Wiccan? Or just Wannabe?

by Holo
(Georgia)

I'm a teen, and ever since I was little I LOVED witches, Wicca, and Halloween, And not just because of the candy. I loved the idea of magick, and yes THAT type of magick, and I wanted to know more.

I was also a little ghost kid, I watched Ghost Hunters, I checked out every single book on the Paranormal I could find, and my favorite book of all time was Encyclopedia Horrifica.

It sounds stupid to me, but I always had dreams, and later I would catch WAVES of deja-Vu all the time. Not just little bits and pieces, but absolute "Oh My Gosh, this has happened before." and I had never even been in that remote area before.

One of those things happened just 6 days ago, I had a dream that I was sitting cross legged in a crowded area with two children and a mother who was not my own. A little while later, I went to a Con with my best friend, and me and her sisters and her mother were having a conversation, and I was on the ground, with them in the exact same spots as my dream.

And right when I came to where I am now, I walked in on my first day of school, and lo-and-behold the EXACT room I had visualized in my dream. Same horseshoe desk pattern and that girl that I know now, Lucy, was sitting RIGHT where I had seen her in my dream. I just did not know her name.

Another thing that draws my attention is spells, I know the Rule of Three by heart, and can recite it on the beat but whenever I meditate or try to clear my head, I can't, my mind clouds with thoughts of "Am I doing it right?" or "Hey, let's listen to ANYTHING around me." and then what I was going for is broken. I just can't clear my head. I just CAN'T feel magic that way. When I listen to Celtic music or hear stories of other Wiccans, I get a prickly feeling, I've heard from others that this is magic, is it true?

Familiars are another thing. I have my 9 year old cat, whom I have raised all of my life, and I can't figure out if she's my familiar or not. She has always watched out for me, taken care of me when I cried, as in licking the tears of my face, sat by me while I slept or was sick in bed, and stayed by me, even lately, when I have ignored her terribly. (I feel horrible for doing so, she has only given to me, and I just toss her away.)

I know I'm asking WAY to many questions but one more. How do I cast a circle? I hear a lot about it, and I don't know if I can, I am deathly afraid of fire, and the last time I tried to light a match, I had a panic attack and threw the lit stub at my mom. -.-;

Same thing with Craft names and Elements, how do you figure that out? I have read EVERYTHING on it, but I can't find mine.

Am I a Wiccan? Or a Wannabe?